YouTube Creator, Change, and Me

Then…

A YouTube channel I watch often is called Philosophy Tube, by the creator formally known as Ollie Thorn. The channel obviously features videos about philosophy – such as this, and various issues such as climate change and the UK housing crisis. To set the stage and to tell the story, the creator plays multiple characters using costume changes, make up and incredible acting skills (the creator is a classically trained thespian. Its an incredibly entertaining and education experience. The videos that sucked me in the most are relating to the creator’s personal experience with mental health issues, which have to be seen to be believed… Clicky, but don’t click if you don’t want to find yourself balling your eyes out. The creator receives daily emails stating that these videos have saved the sender’s lives.

Now…

In the last video, that channel creator, Abigail Thorn, has come out as a trans-woman. Abigail did this by having an actor play her former self in part one of the video, talking about identity. In the last section of the first part, the dialogue becomes more personal, and states that living at the moment is like being at war, and how that is no way to live your life. the actor states that he is leaving, but if you want to see him he will be in the old videos. The first part ends with a actor taking a bow on stage, to the tune of David Bowie’s Blackstar.

Part two starts with Abigail strutting into a comfortably appointed room, wearing a black dress with white trim. Abigail introduces herself, and explains that she has been a woman for a long time, and has been presenting as a man only on YouTube. Abigail describes being a woman like changing jobs from a terrible job to your dream job, and how its not a quick fix, but a steady improvement towards a good place. I could go on- and this is probably a quarter of what I originally wrote in my Moleskine about this video, but it would be better to let the video speak for itself.

Post-Mortem

I have thoughts and feelings. It’s damned impressive that Abigail managed to keep this secret through multiple videos, watched millions of times. It’s also a brave thing to come out as trans, even to an almost exclusive left wing audience.  I never realized it, but Abigail as a man became something of a role model to me.  From the perspective of the previous videos, Ollie is articulate, educated without being pompous,  well dressed and groomed in a way I don’t come close to.  But that para-social role model is in my mind very linked to a male role model. How am I going to feel when she releases videos as her true self? I’m holding my breath about how I will feel about new videos. I am sure I will enjoy them, but it will definitely be different. It doesn’t help that I don’t know in person any role models that neatly fit into this niche for me in my real life.