Author: Adrian's Got the Moose

Early September I had my final session with my psychologist. Bernadette was moving to Canberra for a position in the Department of  Defense, and after a discussion with my doctor I had decided to not seek the services of another psychologist. I felt like the law of diminished returns had kicked in, and was at a better place than I have been in years.

Bernadette  did have some final advice, or a passing shot as it felt like at the time. Something I had not been willing to address if my complete lack of action, and only academic interest, in dating. When you suffer from low self-esteem, depression and varying degrees of anxiety, the idea of being in a meaningful relationship feels as impossible as winning the lottery.  While the mental health issues are mostly under control, dating and being in relationships still seems to be something for people who are not me.

In the ensuring conversation with Bernadette, I told her that I use Tinder, and while I get the occasional match, I struggle to start a conversation with any of them.  I admitted that this was because of a fear of rejection, and failure. She pointed out that I was already rejecting myself and failing myself.

Since then I made a promise to myself that I would only swipe right on women I would be willing to message, and to message all matches. This has resulted in fourteen matches, and no real conversations.

Which leaves me drinking twelve year old Scotch and watching Designated Survivor on a Saturday night, instead of chatting, either virtually or over drinks, with a curvy redhead insurance broker with unlikely blue eyes.

A coworker tells me that many people use Tinder as an ego boost rather than to meet people, which if true doesn’t help me much.

I keep staring at my pen wondering how to end this without it simply being a woe is me story, but all I can say is Bernadette, I’m going to keep trying.

So it seems the best way to start this venture is to tell you a little about myself.

I’m a thirty eight year old straight male, currently working in local government, in the environmental field- weed control, and maintaining trails, firebreaks, campgrounds and anything else the powers that be decide is important on that day. Before that I had a long and unexciting career in the retail side of the fuel industry. I live and work in the City of Albany, Western Australia.

I suffer from depression and anxiety with a side order of low self-esteem and insomnia. I’m on two types of anti-depressants and earlier this year I was seeing a psychologist.

I love to travel, mostly backpacking through SE Asia. I also enjoy reading, listening to music, the outdoors, and petting and looking at dogs.

Politically I lean hard to the left, and am occasionally accused of being a social justice warrior

I’m moderately tall, of average build with broad shoulders. I keep my dark brown hair closely cropped due to male pattern baldness. I have four piercings in my left ear, which is a recent development, partly due to being sick of the only backpacker with no piercings or tattoos, and partly because I was called boring by someone who I should probably have ignored.

I’m mostly going to blog about my life, travel and social issues. I’m basically using this as therapy, and because I stopped blogging previously due to my depression, which is now more under control.

That’s that, now let the dice fly high!